It started when the neighbors saw my fancy new TV
It opens up the gate outside my home
Lets me let in anyone I really want to see
Keep out all them other dudes I don′t

Then one by one they started comin' over to perform
Someone played Temptation on kazoo
Nellie got as naked as the day that she was born
It sure was all over Baby Blue

I′ve got electric eyes, two big dogs and a minefield
And miles and miles and miles of barbed-wire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
And we ain't had a good night's sleepin′ since

Orville Baker′s showin' us the fastest draw in town
Cora Lee is clackin′ on her spoon
Ol' Jessie′s tick dog sure does look dead lyin' on the ground
Jessie′s wife is a-howlin' at the moon

Charlie's ugly daughter sure can tap dance
Ol′ Mabel Thatcher′s walkin' on her hands
Just as I was leavin′ for the kitchen for a snack
Ol' Lulu Belle amazes with her fan

I′ve got electric eyes, two big dogs and a minefield
And miles and miles and miles of barbed-wire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
We ain't had a good night′s sleepin' since

Brony's got an act that′s hard to follow
Ol′ Norman plays a nimble tambourine
You should see what Sara Lee can swallow
And ol' Billy does a wicked Mr. Clean

Good Lord if I′d a-known this future when I started
Believe you me I'd never change a thing
I got a closed circuit circus in my bedroom
And a world full of wackos in the wings

I′ve got electric eyes, two big dogs and a minefield
And miles and miles and miles of barbed-wire fence
But the biggest show in town is in my driveway
We ain't had a good night′s sleepin' since

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