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I've been preparing for this day for a long time
I've had sessions with private trainers
I've trained in marathon-running and lots of martial arts
And now I can truly say I'm tough
One! Two! Three!
I put on shinpads and a football kit
The shoulder pads give me a killer physique
I'm covered in armour, and totally waterproof
I've got Maori war paint on my face
I'm bringing my body into harmony with my soul
And praying that I don't miss my goal
Finally, I put on my battle helmet
IKEA's summer sale starts today!
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
This is bargain-hunting to the death
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
Vicious fights over every special offer
The doors open on time at 9:30
A pack of young mums comes charging in from behind
A swarm of pensioners to my left, hordes of students to my right
Before I know it, I'm surrounded
I hit the ground and get trampled
Then knock out someone's tooth - they asked for it!
I clobber a guy and defeat him
Then fight my way forward with body-checks
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
This is bargain-hunting to the death
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
Vicious fights over every special offer
Solo!
The shelves are already empty, so I start stealing
I quickly grab a Billy from someone else's trolley
Its owner comes at me and I have to duck
He goes into a shop worker's back with both feet
Everything's at stake. Nerves are shot
I grab a dolly wardrobe from a girl
She starts shouting, but her mum gets there too late
The kid will have to learn that that's life
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
This is bargain-hunting to the death
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
Vicious fights over every special offer
The battle is over; the fight has been fought
I have all the best bargains in my trolley
There's just one problem when I get to the checkout
I've left my wallet at home
(Hey, stop holding up the queue!)
Well, that was Midsummer Night at IKEA
And bargain-hunting to the death
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
I fell at the finish line. What an idiot
It's Midsummer Night at IKEA
This is bargain-hunting to the death
Wooh! Midsummer Night at IKEA
Vicious fights over every special offer
Woohoowoohowohohohow!
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